So tomorrow morning I head down to MEPS to start the process of shipping out for BMT. I ship out Tuesday afternoon, but tonight will be the last night I spend in this house for quite some time. What I said last month about feeling that this is the right decision still holds true, but I am well beyond the point where decision-making is going to play a role; I am going to the Air Force, and there are no two ways about it!
Perhaps the fact that the decision is now out of my hands has something to do with my state of mind right now. Or, perhaps it's just that this change is of such great magnitude that I am incapable of fully absorbing it. Whatever the reason, I can say for certain that the fact that I'm leaving has not fully set in. Not even close. I'm much calmer and subdued than I thought I would be. That could very well change as I'm signing my final contract tomorrow, but for now I feel good.
Regardless of my emotional state, it's been very helpful to look back on my past posts and see how my thought process has progressed throughout this process. I can't wait to sign back on in a few months and see how much I've changed....until then, so long!
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Two-month Update
So it's been almost two months since I found out what job I'll be doing in the Air Force. That means I am about halfway through my waiting period between the day I found out and the day I leave for BMT. Time sure does fly!
I'm writing now because a few months into any major decision is usually the first time I start having my second thoughts about it. Typically, it takes about this long for me to start seeing the depths of my decision. And while it will still be a long time before I know the "down and dirty" aspects of my future job, the fact that I am leaving home and setting off on my own has definitely had time to set in.
So how do I feel about it? I'd be lying if I said I haven't had ANY second thoughts about my choice. There are brief times when I think "what the hell am I doing?" However, the important word there is "brief." Any time I think like that, I can quickly access my mental list of reasons why I'm doing this, and answer the question that usually causes me so much distress: Is this the right choice?
Two months into my knowledge of my future, I am happy to say that I still feel I made the right choice!
I'm writing now because a few months into any major decision is usually the first time I start having my second thoughts about it. Typically, it takes about this long for me to start seeing the depths of my decision. And while it will still be a long time before I know the "down and dirty" aspects of my future job, the fact that I am leaving home and setting off on my own has definitely had time to set in.
So how do I feel about it? I'd be lying if I said I haven't had ANY second thoughts about my choice. There are brief times when I think "what the hell am I doing?" However, the important word there is "brief." Any time I think like that, I can quickly access my mental list of reasons why I'm doing this, and answer the question that usually causes me so much distress: Is this the right choice?
Two months into my knowledge of my future, I am happy to say that I still feel I made the right choice!
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
A clearer picture of my future
I recently got great news: I have secured a position as a loadmaster in the Air Force! I will leave for Basic Training (BMT) on April 27th. By this time next year, I should be completing my on-the-job training, and headed towards my first duty station...from which I will travel all over the world delivering troops and supplies to those in need.
I am extremely excited to begin this new adventure, even with the many challenges I will face. And equally as exciting is the fact that I recently discovered the key to dedicating myself to successfully completing my training...which I felt would be the hardest obstacle in this process, considering my documented problems with motivation.
After speaking with a clinical psychologist (thanks Reddit!) I have identified the major causes for lack of motivation. Anytime in my past that I've tried to motivate myself to do something, it has been difficult because I could never quite see the end of the road. While, on some level, I knew my work would have a positive outcome, there was never a tangible thing that I could point to and say "THIS is what I've been working towards." In college, for example, I knew that having a degree could be helpful to me. However, the degree itself was never something I desired, and there was no guarantee of success afterwards. Because of this, I struggled to motivate myself.
However, with my future in the Air Force, I can easily point to a number of direct benefits that completing my training will afford me. Most importantly, I have a vivid image that sums up what I hope to achieve with my career, and a clear path to that image. Because of this, it is much easier for me to motivate myself to work towards this goal, even though the path will be much more difficult than some of my goals in the past.
I certainly have a long way to go, and I have merely scratched the surface of what a life in the Air Force will entail. However, I remain hopeful that the outcome of my training will be a rewarding couple of years, and perhaps even a rewarding career. And I plan on dedicating myself wholeheartedly to that hope.
I am extremely excited to begin this new adventure, even with the many challenges I will face. And equally as exciting is the fact that I recently discovered the key to dedicating myself to successfully completing my training...which I felt would be the hardest obstacle in this process, considering my documented problems with motivation.
After speaking with a clinical psychologist (thanks Reddit!) I have identified the major causes for lack of motivation. Anytime in my past that I've tried to motivate myself to do something, it has been difficult because I could never quite see the end of the road. While, on some level, I knew my work would have a positive outcome, there was never a tangible thing that I could point to and say "THIS is what I've been working towards." In college, for example, I knew that having a degree could be helpful to me. However, the degree itself was never something I desired, and there was no guarantee of success afterwards. Because of this, I struggled to motivate myself.
However, with my future in the Air Force, I can easily point to a number of direct benefits that completing my training will afford me. Most importantly, I have a vivid image that sums up what I hope to achieve with my career, and a clear path to that image. Because of this, it is much easier for me to motivate myself to work towards this goal, even though the path will be much more difficult than some of my goals in the past.
I certainly have a long way to go, and I have merely scratched the surface of what a life in the Air Force will entail. However, I remain hopeful that the outcome of my training will be a rewarding couple of years, and perhaps even a rewarding career. And I plan on dedicating myself wholeheartedly to that hope.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
End of the Year
At the end of 2008, I wrote a post discussing the changes I went through that year, and the things I hoped to achieve in 2009. In the same spirit, I'm going to review the past year to see how well I did in keeping with 2009's Resolutions, and make some more for 2010. Here goes.....
By the end of 2008, I had spent slightly more than a year in the workforce, and I had already realized that it wasn't totally for me. I said at that time that my career choice was correct, and I can understand even now why I felt that way. I have since realized, however, that it would take a large amount of luck for this career to truly help me reach my life goals. While I do enjoy design, I now believe that it is best that I practice it as a hobby, not a way of life.
Therefore, much of my 2009 was spent researching various ways to alter my life's path so that it would help me achieve as many of my goals as possible. After identifying the things I most wanted to achieve, I looked into becoming a flight attendant, then looked into private aviation schools, and finally found an appropriate solution in a place that I had already experienced to a small degree: the Air Force. And then, after several months of doctorate-worthy research and planning, I finally had the courage to enlist in December. As I said last year, the decision came down to whether or not I wanted to start completely fresh, and I have decided that that is precisely what I want to do. The only difference is that instead of just moving to a new city and trying to find happiness, I am doing something that will fulfill many of my live-long dreams, and letting the happiness come naturally.
It's important to note that making a decision of this magnitude took a lot more courage than I am used to putting forth. And because of that, I am going to consider the courage portion of my 2009 resolutions a success. The other half of my resolution was respect. I wanted to respect the sacrifices that my family and friends have made for me, by taking full responsibility for my life. I can think of no greater way to take responsibility than by making a life-altering decision from which you can not back out. However, there were plenty of instances in 2009 where I could have showed much more courage, and times where I should have put others before myself. Therefore, despite relative success, I will continue to build upon the progress I made on my 2009 resolutions.
But what about 2010? This year holds a lot of unknowns for me, so it is difficult to plan too far ahead. If all goes well, I will be writing my 2011 resolutions from a laptop on a plane in some foreign country. But regardless of the uncertainty inherent in the military, nothing good will come from this unless I am completely dedicated. Therefore, my 2010 New Year's Resolution is to maintain a steadfast dedication to every decision I make. This will manifest itself most obviously in my new career field, as it will take my full dedication to complete my training successfully. However, I will attempt to dedicate myself wholeheartedly to everything I do, in every aspect of my life. This will not be an easy task for someone who struggles with motivation, but it is one that will be necessary if I am to succeed at fulfilling my dreams.
2009 was certainly one of the most eventful years in my life, and I truly hope 2010 will be so, too. Happy New Year, and may you have nothing but success in fulfilling your resolutions as well!
By the end of 2008, I had spent slightly more than a year in the workforce, and I had already realized that it wasn't totally for me. I said at that time that my career choice was correct, and I can understand even now why I felt that way. I have since realized, however, that it would take a large amount of luck for this career to truly help me reach my life goals. While I do enjoy design, I now believe that it is best that I practice it as a hobby, not a way of life.
Therefore, much of my 2009 was spent researching various ways to alter my life's path so that it would help me achieve as many of my goals as possible. After identifying the things I most wanted to achieve, I looked into becoming a flight attendant, then looked into private aviation schools, and finally found an appropriate solution in a place that I had already experienced to a small degree: the Air Force. And then, after several months of doctorate-worthy research and planning, I finally had the courage to enlist in December. As I said last year, the decision came down to whether or not I wanted to start completely fresh, and I have decided that that is precisely what I want to do. The only difference is that instead of just moving to a new city and trying to find happiness, I am doing something that will fulfill many of my live-long dreams, and letting the happiness come naturally.
It's important to note that making a decision of this magnitude took a lot more courage than I am used to putting forth. And because of that, I am going to consider the courage portion of my 2009 resolutions a success. The other half of my resolution was respect. I wanted to respect the sacrifices that my family and friends have made for me, by taking full responsibility for my life. I can think of no greater way to take responsibility than by making a life-altering decision from which you can not back out. However, there were plenty of instances in 2009 where I could have showed much more courage, and times where I should have put others before myself. Therefore, despite relative success, I will continue to build upon the progress I made on my 2009 resolutions.
But what about 2010? This year holds a lot of unknowns for me, so it is difficult to plan too far ahead. If all goes well, I will be writing my 2011 resolutions from a laptop on a plane in some foreign country. But regardless of the uncertainty inherent in the military, nothing good will come from this unless I am completely dedicated. Therefore, my 2010 New Year's Resolution is to maintain a steadfast dedication to every decision I make. This will manifest itself most obviously in my new career field, as it will take my full dedication to complete my training successfully. However, I will attempt to dedicate myself wholeheartedly to everything I do, in every aspect of my life. This will not be an easy task for someone who struggles with motivation, but it is one that will be necessary if I am to succeed at fulfilling my dreams.
2009 was certainly one of the most eventful years in my life, and I truly hope 2010 will be so, too. Happy New Year, and may you have nothing but success in fulfilling your resolutions as well!
Monday, December 21, 2009
Politically Incorrect? Good.
I have a confession to make...I'm a faker. Anytime I'm in a discussion with a friend about politics, I'm shooting from the hip.
Truth is, I know nothing about government. And I'm very grateful for that.
Many of my friends spend a considerable portion of their free time reading this magazine or that, and learning where our various leaders stand on certain issues. Many of these friends, whether they mean to or not, look down upon those of us who choose not to stay up on the political landscape of our country. If I were to tell many of my friends that I don't know the first point of debate on the current healthcare bill, they would look at me like I just sprouted a third arm. But truth is, I know very little about this bill (and, as far as I know, my arm count remains at two.)
So the question is: why? Why do I ignore such a huge portion of modern culture? And the answer is easy for me. I think it's pointless. Now, before you get defensive, please don't read too much into that. I don't believe that politics, as a whole, are pointless. I just think that listening to politicians, and reading articles, and following debates is pointless. Furthermore, I think listening to TOO much political talk actually hurts you more than it helps. Let me explain.
I have friends on varying levels of political know-how, and I've noticed a trend developing. The friends who are more knowledgeable of the political landscape become increasingly good at categorization. This idea is too liberal, that idea is too conservative. The other idea is socialist, and that's terrible. It appears that good political debaters are nothing more than good categorizers. Once they become good enough, they get an idea of where they should categorize themselves...and that's where the problems start.
Because once you've placed yourself in box, you find it difficult to think outside of it. Any new decision that is placed in front of you is now seen only through the lens of your box, and you follow your box's leaders wherever they may take you. The danger here is obvious: by categorizing yourself as a member of a certain box, you automatically give up some of your right to form an opinion, even if it's at an unconscious level.
I don't like that. I prefer my opinions come from my very own mix of heartfelt morality and logical reasoning. And I have found that my views hardly ever fit into one nice, neat box. But that's good, because I can peek into other boxes and see if I like them better..and all without fearing that I will anger someone back in my box. And while it may be far-fetched, I like to think that if our elected leaders subscribed to that philosophy, rather than concerning themselves about how their choices will please the members of their box, we could solve a lot of our problems a LOT quicker.
Truth is, I know nothing about government. And I'm very grateful for that.
Many of my friends spend a considerable portion of their free time reading this magazine or that, and learning where our various leaders stand on certain issues. Many of these friends, whether they mean to or not, look down upon those of us who choose not to stay up on the political landscape of our country. If I were to tell many of my friends that I don't know the first point of debate on the current healthcare bill, they would look at me like I just sprouted a third arm. But truth is, I know very little about this bill (and, as far as I know, my arm count remains at two.)
So the question is: why? Why do I ignore such a huge portion of modern culture? And the answer is easy for me. I think it's pointless. Now, before you get defensive, please don't read too much into that. I don't believe that politics, as a whole, are pointless. I just think that listening to politicians, and reading articles, and following debates is pointless. Furthermore, I think listening to TOO much political talk actually hurts you more than it helps. Let me explain.
I have friends on varying levels of political know-how, and I've noticed a trend developing. The friends who are more knowledgeable of the political landscape become increasingly good at categorization. This idea is too liberal, that idea is too conservative. The other idea is socialist, and that's terrible. It appears that good political debaters are nothing more than good categorizers. Once they become good enough, they get an idea of where they should categorize themselves...and that's where the problems start.
Because once you've placed yourself in box, you find it difficult to think outside of it. Any new decision that is placed in front of you is now seen only through the lens of your box, and you follow your box's leaders wherever they may take you. The danger here is obvious: by categorizing yourself as a member of a certain box, you automatically give up some of your right to form an opinion, even if it's at an unconscious level.
I don't like that. I prefer my opinions come from my very own mix of heartfelt morality and logical reasoning. And I have found that my views hardly ever fit into one nice, neat box. But that's good, because I can peek into other boxes and see if I like them better..and all without fearing that I will anger someone back in my box. And while it may be far-fetched, I like to think that if our elected leaders subscribed to that philosophy, rather than concerning themselves about how their choices will please the members of their box, we could solve a lot of our problems a LOT quicker.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Hurry up and wait...
Well, I wasn't able to write the letter from my last post in 'a couple of weeks' as I had hoped....but it's looking more and more like I will be able to write it eventually, and THAT is the important part.
Since that posting, I have taken great steps towards my goal. I have passed the physical (including the daunting depth perception test) and I have swore into the Delayed Enlistment Program. Now, I am waiting for a slot to open up in one of the four job areas I was required to list, and I am hopeful that I will have more information to report by January.
I still have many obstacles to overcome. However, as I have said before, this is the first time in as long as I can remember that I have felt truly motivated towards a goal. While I have yet to have to really sacrifice for this goal, I have made tremendous leaps in that department. The 20 pounds that I lost to make weight, by itself, was much more sacrifice that I have made in a very long time. I now know that if I keep my goal in mind, I am capable of much more than I have ever shown before.
And that's a good realization to have, because I WILL have to sacrifice to get to where I want to be. The further I get into the process, the more I realize how much work I will have to put in. But the good news is that I am still prepared to do it.
So again I will offer some advice to a future me in despair: If the path you're on seems a little too rocky, don't forget to look up to the light at the end of the road.
Since that posting, I have taken great steps towards my goal. I have passed the physical (including the daunting depth perception test) and I have swore into the Delayed Enlistment Program. Now, I am waiting for a slot to open up in one of the four job areas I was required to list, and I am hopeful that I will have more information to report by January.
I still have many obstacles to overcome. However, as I have said before, this is the first time in as long as I can remember that I have felt truly motivated towards a goal. While I have yet to have to really sacrifice for this goal, I have made tremendous leaps in that department. The 20 pounds that I lost to make weight, by itself, was much more sacrifice that I have made in a very long time. I now know that if I keep my goal in mind, I am capable of much more than I have ever shown before.
And that's a good realization to have, because I WILL have to sacrifice to get to where I want to be. The further I get into the process, the more I realize how much work I will have to put in. But the good news is that I am still prepared to do it.
So again I will offer some advice to a future me in despair: If the path you're on seems a little too rocky, don't forget to look up to the light at the end of the road.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
A letter I hope to write in a week or two...
To all my close friends and family,
I have recently made the decision to enlist in the United States Air Force. After speaking at length with a recruiter and several current Airmen, I have secured a position as a loadmaster, and I will leave for Basic Training early next year. After my training, I will spend the next four years on board either a C-17 or a C-130 aircraft, traveling all over the world to deliver supplies and troops to those in need. This was not a decision that was made lightly, and I want to take a moment to explain my reasoning to everyone whom I truly care about, in the hope that I can ease concerns many of you may have.
This choice has been over 4 years in the making, dating back to my decision to join the Air Force ROTC program at Pitt. At that time, I knew that the Air Force would provide me with opportunities that no civilian company could. Ultimately, however, I did not feel completely prepared to make the long commitment required of an aviation officer.
After spending nearly two years in the civilian world, I have gained a much clearer vision of my future. It has become increasingly clear to me that the risks involved with my enlistment are greatly overshadowed by the numerous lifetime goals that this decision will help me achieve. These goals- traveling the world, flying on a regular basis, working in an ever-changing environment, staying in great shape, and gaining experience that will help me for the rest of my life- can all be fulfilled by this lifestyle, and all that is asked in return is a four-year commitment.
Please understand, though, that I am not taking this commitment lightly. Even now, I am not completely sure that this will be a life I will fully enjoy at all times. In fact, I may even have moments where I question my decision-making....and this is where you come in.
As the people who matter most to me, it is your opinion that I hold highest, and your support that I cherish the most. I am sure you can imagine the great amount of uncertainty and anxiety that go into the choice to leave everything you've known for the past 24 years. In that light, I would ask that you give me your undivided support, as well as your honest insight into the challenges I may face, and how best to handle them.
In any event, I am sure that this decision will benefit me for the rest of my life. For the first time in years, I feel like my hard work will be towards a tangible and attainable goal...rather than simply the result of a standard "life plan." For this, I thank all of you for helping me reach this point, and I look forward to sharing many happy stories of adventure for years to come.
PLH,
Nick
P.S. If you have any questions about my future job/my decision making process/etc, please don't hesitate to ask!
I have recently made the decision to enlist in the United States Air Force. After speaking at length with a recruiter and several current Airmen, I have secured a position as a loadmaster, and I will leave for Basic Training early next year. After my training, I will spend the next four years on board either a C-17 or a C-130 aircraft, traveling all over the world to deliver supplies and troops to those in need. This was not a decision that was made lightly, and I want to take a moment to explain my reasoning to everyone whom I truly care about, in the hope that I can ease concerns many of you may have.
This choice has been over 4 years in the making, dating back to my decision to join the Air Force ROTC program at Pitt. At that time, I knew that the Air Force would provide me with opportunities that no civilian company could. Ultimately, however, I did not feel completely prepared to make the long commitment required of an aviation officer.
After spending nearly two years in the civilian world, I have gained a much clearer vision of my future. It has become increasingly clear to me that the risks involved with my enlistment are greatly overshadowed by the numerous lifetime goals that this decision will help me achieve. These goals- traveling the world, flying on a regular basis, working in an ever-changing environment, staying in great shape, and gaining experience that will help me for the rest of my life- can all be fulfilled by this lifestyle, and all that is asked in return is a four-year commitment.
Please understand, though, that I am not taking this commitment lightly. Even now, I am not completely sure that this will be a life I will fully enjoy at all times. In fact, I may even have moments where I question my decision-making....and this is where you come in.
As the people who matter most to me, it is your opinion that I hold highest, and your support that I cherish the most. I am sure you can imagine the great amount of uncertainty and anxiety that go into the choice to leave everything you've known for the past 24 years. In that light, I would ask that you give me your undivided support, as well as your honest insight into the challenges I may face, and how best to handle them.
In any event, I am sure that this decision will benefit me for the rest of my life. For the first time in years, I feel like my hard work will be towards a tangible and attainable goal...rather than simply the result of a standard "life plan." For this, I thank all of you for helping me reach this point, and I look forward to sharing many happy stories of adventure for years to come.
PLH,
Nick
P.S. If you have any questions about my future job/my decision making process/etc, please don't hesitate to ask!
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